


Too Perfect To Last

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [20]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Insecurity, It's Hard and Nobody Understands, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Boyfriend, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is bad at feelings, Understanding, except maybe Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 15:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20360953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Tony’s used to people not being able to understand him. But… he'd thought that Loki was different.





	Too Perfect To Last

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt**— _“Don’t try to fix me. I’m not broken.”_

Tony was used to people not being able to understand him. It wasn’t always because of a lack of trying– he knew that his mind moved a lot faster and jumped around a lot more than most, and that he was able to make connections in places that others never would have. He often just said things as they popped into his head, forgetting that everyone else wouldn’t necessarily be able to keep up. It annoyed at best and angered at worst– but even though Tony _knew_ that, it didn’t mean that he could stop. It was just the way he was.

He’d never been able to make friends when he was a kid as a result, which was why he’d mostly resorted to _building_ his own.

But then, in MIT, Tony was finally blessed with the gift of James Rhodes– and when Tony met Rhodey, he found one of the greatest friends that he would ever know. Rhodey was as supportive as anyone could be, and he always, _always_ had Tony’s back. They were different in a lot of ways, which meant that Rhodey didn’t always understand what was going through Tony’s mind. He almost always made an effort though, and for Tony, that was more than enough.

> _You don’t respect yourself, so I know you don’t respect me._

Tony thought that he had maybe found someone who could understand him in Pepper, because they had been able to work together so very well. She listened to him when he rambled and did her best to make sense of it. While Rhodey put up with his bullshit, Pepper called him out on it– and for a while, Tony thought that was a good thing. She didn’t get annoyed by his constant questions, and she smiled when he got all excited about a project or such that he was in the middle of. She said that she just liked to see him _happy_, and even when she misconstrued something he said or thought that he needed something he didn’t, it wasn’t hard to accept that and move back to their easy banter.

> _You're going to kill yourself, Tony. I'm not going to be a part of it._

But then they had tried to deepen their relationship, they had tried to become something more– and then everything had just fallen apart, all their differences suddenly brought under a glaring spotlight that emphasised all of the ugliness.

Pepper hadn’t minded him spending so much time in his workshop before, but when she had worked at his house as his PA, she had only seen him there during the day. It was only when they were sharing a bed that she began to realise what his sleep schedule was like– and she tried to change it.

At first, she did it subtly, convincing him to join her with soft touches and kisses that were just asking to go further. But when she woke up in the night and realised that he would only go back down to the workshop after, she began outright _telling_ him that it wasn’t okay. And Pepper didn’t like the suits either– she didn’t understand why Tony had wanted to keep building them, saying that they were just machines, not something that should be taking up so much of his time and attention and _mental health_, not realising that they helped to keep him sane.

And Tony had _tried_, for her. He had destroyed his Iron Legion because she had _asked_, and because he placed more importance on his relationship with her than he did on the ‘distractions’ in his workshop. But after only a few days his palms had started to itch, and there was a tension in his shoulders that just would not go away, no matter how hard Tony tried. The suits really were a part of him, and his inventing even more so– if he had an idea he had to go and build it, no matter the time of day or night. And she just didn’t _get_ that.

In the end, they broke it off in a mutual decision, because they both realised that their relationship had become a battle of wills painted in compromise, and that was never what a relationship should be. And while Tony could still keep her as a friend, he was more than aware of the fact that they couldn’t go back to what they once were, because while before they had known every way that they _did_ work– now they knew every way that they didn’t.

> _I'm going to sleep downstairs. Tinker with that._

Most of the Avengers didn’t understand Tony either, but that didn’t bother him half as much. After all, they had stepped off on the entirely wrong foot from the beginning. It bothered him that they didn’t _listen_ though, that they sometimes dismissed him as being a self-indulgent billionaire rather than considering him as one of _them_. Sometimes that hurt– but he cared more about the problems caused by their dismissal than he did the dismissal itself.

> _The only thing that you really fight for is yourself._

When Tony had invited Bruce to live in the tower with him, he had hoped that the other man would make a friend. But Bruce… he was a scientist, but his mind just worked _differently_ from Tony’s. He was calm and methodical– he liked to work on one thing at a time until it was completely finished, and then move on to the next. He found it difficult to work with Tony, growing frustrated with how Tony could skip from one thing to the next with every new idea, flashing around until he’d finished fifteen different things at once. He didn’t see how Tony could find comfort in the chaos.

And Bruce… he thought about things in a different way, and Tony knew that Bruce would often listen to one of Tony’s propositions and not realise what he was trying to say– such as when Tony had wanted to protect the world and Bruce had only seen it as turning into something cold.

But, despite that, Tony really had thought of Bruce as a friend. It was hard to have his misjudgement thrown into his face, but then… he supposed the turnaround was fair. Sometimes, he didn’t understand other people, either.

> _I'm sorry, I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm not a therapist._

So, yeah. Tony was used to not being understood, and that was fine, because it was okay to be different. And even though it was hard, sometimes, he was used to it– and he was _fine_, living in his own space where only his own creations could follow along with what he said.

But then, Tony met Loki, and it was like he had found something that he wasn’t aware he had been yearning for.

Tony had met Loki before of course, back when the god had invaded New York. And admittedly, Tony was still a little nervous at first – after all, the last time they had met, Loki had thrown Tony out of _that very window, just right over there _– but he learned that Loki had done so under duress, and that if not for his subtle manipulations then the whole situation could have been a whole lot worse.

And then, within minutes of beginning their first conversation as allies, Tony was _grinning_ wider than he had in a very long time.

He and Loki just… _got_ each other.

They both revelled in chaos and were similar enough that a rambling conversation that leapt from topic to topic still made sense. They could make each other laugh without worrying about a joke being taken the wrong way, and their matched intellect moved at a similar enough speed that, for the first time, Tony could talk to someone without being told that he needed to _slow down_.

They were fast friends straight away, spending as much time together as possible because– why wouldn’t they, when they were the only ones who didn’t find the other a trial to speak with?

Tony was nervous to move into more, because that was what had happened with Pepper– they had made good friends, but they just didn’t match up enough. But when Loki smiled like Tony lit up his whole world, when his touches lingered with the kind of adoration that burned so bright, Tony knew that there was no way he could continue to resist.

And perhaps, then, it was inevitable that they would fall in love, or perhaps it wasn’t. Perhaps that was something that they forged themselves, that they built strong amongst the turmoil of the rest of their lives.

Neither of them were very good at dealing with feelings, but that was okay too– because if Tony couldn’t stand to be touched immediately after a nightmare, then Loki understood. And If Loki needed space after a difficult conversation with Thor, then Tony understood that, too. And then, when they came together, they would hold each other like they were the only two in the world.

It was pretty fucking special, and for the first time, Tony really and _truly_ felt like he was known.

He should have known that it was too perfect to last.

—

It started with little things, just like it always did. At first, they were even gestures that Tony appreciated, small things like bringing a coffee down to the workshop, or holding him tightly during the night, as if Loki were worried that he was going to disappear.

But then, as time wore on, the gestures grew into something more.

The coffee turned into a sandwich, turned into encouraging Tony up for a meal.

The cuddling turned into being entirely entangled and while Tony enjoyed sleeping that way, it meant that it was impossible not to wake Loki when he tried to leave. And first, Loki would merely watch him go, then stay and sleep in their bed alone.

But then, he started to follow Tony down– and sometimes he started to work on one of his own projects, or sat on the couch with a book. He didn’t do it every night at first, just the odd few. It would be a coin toss as to whether he would stay and sleep or join Tony in wakefulness.

But as time wore on, the latter started to win out.

Then, in the early hours of one morning after Tony had suffered a particularly bad nightmare, he slipped out of Loki’s arms and went downstairs to invent only for Loki to follow him with a blanket in his arms.

And rather than reading or doing something productive, Loki merely curled up on the ratty couch against the wall and closed his eyes, clearly intending to go back to sleep.

For a little while, Tony did his best to ignore it, but his gaze kept sliding over to the couch, distracting him from his work. For the most part, Loki did appear to be genuinely napping, but then about an hour in Tony looked over to find those bright green eyes watching him work, and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m not going to join you, you know,” he said, his voice perhaps a little harsher than he had intended.

Loki blinked, his eyes a little bleary from interrupted sleep. “I was not expecting you to,” he said after a short pause, and Tony frowned.

“Then why are you here?” he asked, dropping his screwdriver and moving to stand in front of the couch, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Because…I didn’t want you to be alone.” Loki looked a little bit lost as he pulled himself into a sitting position, the blanket bunching in his lap– and Tony realised that… he might have misunderstood. But Loki’s words scratched at him the wrong way, and it was hard to keep his voice level.

“I don’t mind being alone,” he said. “I always have been.”

“But you’re not now.” Loki shoved his blanket aside and stood. “You don’t _have _to be, and while I will _always_ respect your need for space, I just… I only wanted to help.”

Tony glanced away, swallowing thickly. It was the same old story all over again, wasn’t it? It was another person who _cared_, who wanted to ‘help’ Tony into something more normal. And even though they always meant well, it just ended up making him feel like he would never be enough as he was.

He’d thought Loki was different, that Loki _understood_.

Perhaps he had been wrong.

“Don’t try to fix me,” Tony warned him, his eyes flashing fiercely as his gaze snapped back up to meet Loki’s. “I’m _not_ broken.”

Tony knew that if he said that to Rhodey, he would have smiled and made a joke in an attempt to raise Tony’s spirits. Pepper would have looked sad, believing that Tony was merely trying to be strong. But Loki…

Loki stepped closer and cradled Tony’s face between his hands, his expression soft and tender.

“I know that,” Loki said gently, and Tony let out a breath that he didn’t realise he had been holding. “I know, because I love you just the way you are. I love every piece of you, from the hours in the workshop to the nightmares, and I don’t want you to try and change for the sake of anyone other than yourself.”

Tony closed his eyes at that, holding on to the words, but he opened them again as Loki continued to speak.

“I don’t ever wish to upset you, I merely wanted to make things easier for you. But if you would prefer that I stop, then I…” Loki looked like the words were paining him as he trailed off, and Tony cupped Loki’s cheek, so that they were almost mirroring each other.

“I’m never going to ask you to stop _caring_,” Tony replied. “I just… I thought that you wanted… Loki… I’m—”

“Do not apologise,” Loki said, lowering his hands to wrap them around Tony’s waist, holding him close and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “There’s no need.”

Tony leaned into him gratefully, knowing that they were going to be more than okay. It wasn’t that everything which had happened here was fine, because they had both made the mistake of assuming– and Tony himself had misunderstood, because he had misjudged just how much Loki loved him. But… because they had spoken about it, because they had both _listened_, they had been able to fix it before it had grown out of hand.

And in the end, Tony almost thought that was more important.


End file.
